It’s not easy to set healthy boundaries when others are accustomed to you not having any. Whether we like to admit it or not, people take advantage of other people. Even ‘nice’ people can be exploitative if they see an easy and convenient path to take.
When others take advantage of your kindness, it leads to not only resentment and lowered self-esteem, but it can also:
❌ Leave you exhausted as all your time and energy is spent on doing whatever the next person needs to be done.
❌ Make you feel miserable, stressed and wondering why you just can’t say no.
❌ Have no time for yourself as your days are always full of a never-ending to-do list.
Is this how you are feeling right now? Does it feel like people see you as a people pleaser or maybe you label yourself as someone ‘who likes helping others’. It could be that you feel guilted into it, or afraid of what people will think of you if you say no.
Perhaps you are using avoidance tactics – keeping yourself busy with the next job on the list, the next person who needs you to do something or whatever it might be – because there is a deep-rooted reason behind saying no.
Whatever the reason, it’s time to stop feeling like a doormat and not having any time for yourself because you are constantly doing things for others and discover the power of setting healthy boundaries in your life.
THE POWER OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
Personal boundaries are important for several reasons. They serve as barriers to protect your self-esteem. They are also tools for establishing limits with others and communicating that you won’t tolerate certain behaviours.
Those without personal boundaries commonly end up in less than ideal situations and relationships. Without limits, you’re susceptible to the whims of those around you. Personal boundaries are about respecting yourself and demanding respect from others.
I get that right now, as you read this, you feel so exhausted and fed up with it all that you don’t know how or where to start. So, here are a few boundaries, that the women I work with, have implemented.
✔ You don’t loan money to anyone
✔ You don’t allow people to yell at you or make you feel worthless
✔ You don’t spend time with people that are drunk or make you feel uncomfortable
✔ You don’t allow pop-over visitors.
Boundaries can also be about personal behaviour. I have helped women, like you, to be more confident in
✔ Expressing sexual dos and don’ts in relationships
✔ Not allowing others to borrow their clothes
✔ Not being the office donkey (taking on all the work and having to cancel plans as working late again)
Imagine how rich and full your life would be, with any of these boundaries in place. You would feel happier, more confident, doing more of what you love and most importantly, you will be saying yes for all the right reasons.
If you are ready to move from feeling exhausted to feeling happier and more confident, I have put together a few tips to help get you started.
TIPS FOR SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
#1 Love who you are
You have the ability to set your own boundaries as you see fit. Few people will treat you better than you demand, so take responsibility for taking care of yourself. Unfortunately, no one else is going to take responsibility for your well-being.
You can grab my free resource How To Love Who You Are here >>> GRAB NOW
#2 Know your needs, wants and desires
Decide who you are, what you want to be, and how you deserve to be treated. What are you willing to accept from others? What are you no longer willing to accept? If you don’t define yourself, the rest of the world will do it for you. And you won’t like it
#3 Make self-care a priority
Others are important, but they’re not any more important than you. If you take care of yourself first, you’re in a better position to take care of others. Running yourself ragged for others really isn’t helping anyone. Taking good care of yourself and making self-care a priority means you will have more energy for others
#4 Think about where you need to set limits
If you are seeing yourself as a ‘people pleaser’ or someone ‘who loves helping.’ You could be doing a lot of things that either need to stop completely or have some form of limit attached. For example, maybe you’re too willing to loan money to people that never pay you back. You get in life what you’re willing to tolerate. What are you no longer willing to tolerate?
#5 Learn to say no when needed
Boundaries are limits on what you’ll accept from others. Avoid the tendency to try and keep everyone happy as that just causes stress and anxiety. If you need to say no, say it. The world will not end if you do.
#6 Make your boundaries known
When people cross your boundaries, it’s up to you to inform them. Many times, this is as simple as refusing a request. When saying no, usually that on its own is enough, however, there may be some instances where a further reason is needed. Remember, boundaries aren’t about isolating or pushing people away. They cannot respect your boundaries if they don’t know about them.
If you are at a point in your life where having no personal boundaries is causing you to feel like a doormat and having no time for yourself, then now is the time to start taking better care of yourself.
Having healthy boundaries will not only boost your self-esteem and have you feeling more confident, but you will also stop being an exhausted pigeon as you try to do all of the things as you juggle what you need to do with what you’ve said yes to. In addition, those boundaries will have you saying yes for the right reasons and not because you feel guilted into it, a people pleaser or worried about what people might think.
Most important of all, having boundaries will mean you will be doing more of what you love and being unapologetically you.
Sick of always saying yes?
Come, spend an hour with me, and let’s see the difference it can make
Is your day always full? No time for yourself? Your to-do list ever-growing? All because you say yes way too much?
You know you’re doing it, you know it’s exhausting you and making you miserable, but you can’t seem to stop.
Whether you want to feel useful, are guilted into it, a people pleaser or are actually afraid of what people might think of you if you say no, you know you’re saying yes all the time for all the wrong reasons.
Fancy seeing you here! A big hello and a warm welcome if this is your first time here! I’m Sophie Paige, the lady (some say that’s debatable! 🤣) behind Raar HQ. Having lived most of my life being told I was worthless, useless, and would never be anything, I am on a mission, not to prove them wrong, but to show as many women as I can that they can break free from that and become this unstoppable force with a fierce fire, who allocates her fucks to the shit that matters.
There are stacks more to be found about how I can help and support you on the site, so have a wee nosy! You can get to know more ‘about me’ on the about page too! Don’t forget you can also find me on Social Media sharing the latest news from Raar HQ, hints, tips, help, and support that makes changing your story feel possible and that it’s not a hard slog or about making you all happy-clappy 🙄 It’s little steps leading you to a life filled with possibilities, hope, ups downs & everything in between!